Theology and Apologetics Roundtable: March 2017

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Borderline Personality Disorder

I remember a couple of months ago watching a story on the NFL Network about wide-receiver, Brandon Marshall's struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder. I began to learn about the key traits that lead to such a diagnosis and became worried. I saw that I fit every trait in some way. I later dismissed it and went on about my life. Those thoughts came to surface again as of recent and along with a laundry of damaged relationships, I realized maybe it was time to see a therapist specialized in BPD. Last week I met with Dr. Brannon La Force here in Dallas and I can't be more excited to work with him. He offers a weekly group session in a class type setting for Dialectical Behavior Training (DBT). I also meet with him each week for individual sessions. Some may ask me why. I have for many years compartmentalized everything in my life. Anything from stress, pain, fear, unforgiveness, and even suicide. I struggle from time to time with depression and the most single trait of BPD, fear of abandonment. It's because of this fear that I have had unstable relationships. I've been verbally and emotionally abusive. I have been vengeful and vindictive anytime I felt I was being emotionally hurt by people in those relationships. My behavior can be impulsive and my thinking irrational for a moment and then an hour later I'm completely fine. Growing up, I never heard much about mental health issues. I never thought I would be one affected by it either. I didn't always grow up in the perfect environment. I grew up around alcoholism and abuse. I always found good in everything. I still grew up like a normal kid. I think BPD traits really became present for me was after a horrible relationship breakup in 2007 and when my mom passed away in 2010. Recently, I have been involved with someone who I love and care about. I think I allowed the stresses of work and life really filter into the relationship. There were the petty fights that turned into full blown psychotic arguments. One thing about BPD in high stress moments is this impulsive talionic thinking. Everything becomes black and white. No gray areas. Right and wrong. Eye for an eye. When I feel wronged or hurt, I impulsively react with vengeful threats (such as trying to get someone fired or ruin their reputation) or just hurt people with my words. Irrationally, my thought process is I feel wronged so, therefore, I have to do wrong to a person so I can feel safe or justified. It makes me feel like I got even and now the slate is clean. Very delusional thinking. I've never been violent or physical. Thank God. Many borderline folk differ and are on different spectrums in how they perceive and react. The main issue with BPD is the inability to regulate your emotions. Treating BPD isn't with the use of meds. This gives me peace of mind. Rather, it treated through behavior training. Changing the way you perceive and think in certain situations. Learning the right coping tools to keep your emotions regulated. The best treatment for BPD is called Dialectical Behavior Training (DBT). I'm looking forward to meeting with Dr. La Force and understanding BPD more and most importantly, having a better way of life. I appreciate prayers and support. I have attached a video link of one of many videos that can give a little insight into the mind of a person struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms