Theology and Apologetics Roundtable

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Borderline Personality Disorder

I remember a couple of months ago watching a story on the NFL Network about wide-receiver, Brandon Marshall's struggles with Borderline Personality Disorder. I began to learn about the key traits that lead to such a diagnosis and became worried. I saw that I fit every trait in some way. I later dismissed it and went on about my life. Those thoughts came to surface again as of recent and along with a laundry of damaged relationships, I realized maybe it was time to see a therapist specialized in BPD. Last week I met with Dr. Brannon La Force here in Dallas and I can't be more excited to work with him. He offers a weekly group session in a class type setting for Dialectical Behavior Training (DBT). I also meet with him each week for individual sessions. Some may ask me why. I have for many years compartmentalized everything in my life. Anything from stress, pain, fear, unforgiveness, and even suicide. I struggle from time to time with depression and the most single trait of BPD, fear of abandonment. It's because of this fear that I have had unstable relationships. I've been verbally and emotionally abusive. I have been vengeful and vindictive anytime I felt I was being emotionally hurt by people in those relationships. My behavior can be impulsive and my thinking irrational for a moment and then an hour later I'm completely fine. Growing up, I never heard much about mental health issues. I never thought I would be one affected by it either. I didn't always grow up in the perfect environment. I grew up around alcoholism and abuse. I always found good in everything. I still grew up like a normal kid. I think BPD traits really became present for me was after a horrible relationship breakup in 2007 and when my mom passed away in 2010. Recently, I have been involved with someone who I love and care about. I think I allowed the stresses of work and life really filter into the relationship. There were the petty fights that turned into full blown psychotic arguments. One thing about BPD in high stress moments is this impulsive talionic thinking. Everything becomes black and white. No gray areas. Right and wrong. Eye for an eye. When I feel wronged or hurt, I impulsively react with vengeful threats (such as trying to get someone fired or ruin their reputation) or just hurt people with my words. Irrationally, my thought process is I feel wronged so, therefore, I have to do wrong to a person so I can feel safe or justified. It makes me feel like I got even and now the slate is clean. Very delusional thinking. I've never been violent or physical. Thank God. Many borderline folk differ and are on different spectrums in how they perceive and react. The main issue with BPD is the inability to regulate your emotions. Treating BPD isn't with the use of meds. This gives me peace of mind. Rather, it treated through behavior training. Changing the way you perceive and think in certain situations. Learning the right coping tools to keep your emotions regulated. The best treatment for BPD is called Dialectical Behavior Training (DBT). I'm looking forward to meeting with Dr. La Force and understanding BPD more and most importantly, having a better way of life. I appreciate prayers and support. I have attached a video link of one of many videos that can give a little insight into the mind of a person struggling with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms

Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Coalition of the Pharisees

Yesterday I posted a letter that was directly personally to Dr John MacArthur regarding his coordinator of Volunteer Ministries, Fred Butler, who seems to have an appetite for harassing the Body of Christ online alongside the cohorts of Pastor JD Hall in Montana. For the past several years this coalition of "righteous" believers have been on the attack with anyone associated with the SBC who they have great disdain for. Sadly after years of online barrages towards Dr Ergun Caner by this "coalition", Caner was struck with the hardest blow of losing his 15 year old son to suicide, in my strongest opinion, due to the relentless, vicious attacks towards a man's son online by none other than Jordan (JD) Hall a pastor in Montana and overseer of Twitter account @PulpitAndPen. 

To this day these same legalistic thugs, or Pharisees, try to shy away from the tragedy and minimize it as much as possible to keep their hands clean and lay the blame on Dr Caner himself as a failure of a father. These are so-called BELIEVERS acting this way. Much of the internet interaction between Caner's son and JD Hall has been conveniently deleted from Twitter (thank God for screenshots) as he still today argues his innocence. If you are innocent, why delete the tweets? Hall has now claimed he has backed away from Twitter and now his associates handle the account.... So he say. You have to be an idiot to think JD Hall isn't still pulling those strings of continued online harassing towards other people.

Fred Butler, I have learned just from watching his Twitter account, is one of the most arrogant people I have ever seen. The first guy to cast stones and claim he is without sin. I can assure you, Mr Butler, God is not mocked. Just this morning I came across some attacks he has alongside JD Hall towards Ronnie Floyd. It's unbelievable. What breaks my heart more is that this guy still holds a leadership position with Dr John MacArthur's ministry. The same ministry who has yet to respond to Butler's behavior online.

Nonetheless, it sheds a negative light on his boss, Dr. MacArthur who remains silent and I can't say how much that discourages me since Grace To You has been a huge impact in my life since the age of 15. Dr. MacArthur why you address this issue at hand. Have we not learned anything from Mars Hill?

Here's the Twitter link of the lengthy mob attack on Dr. Caner's son, Braxton, on June 1, 2014: 

Judge this interaction for yourself.



















Wednesday, September 17, 2014

My Letter To Dr. John MacArthur

I am an avid listener of John MacArthur radio ministry. When I became a Christian at 15, Grace To You played a huge role in my spiritual growth and sanctification process. Through Grace To You I was able to grow in the Word and decipher the texts in its proper context. I am thankful daily for the ministry and preaching of John MacArthur.

With that said, I am also grieved at how a man under his leadership, Fred Butler, can remain an active role in the ministry despite his vicious and proactive involvement in the online harassing and defamation of Dr. Ergun Caner and his son Braxton who at the age of 15 committed suicide and in my personal opinion, due to the relentless attacks from Pastor JD Hall and a mob of "believers" including Fred Butler. It pains me to see the silence of John MacArthur in this matter. As I personally watch a man, his wife, and youngest son grieve a tragic loss to this day, these online attacks have continued to come their way. Fred Butler's hands are not clean in this ordeal whatsoever.

I pray Dr. MacArthur that you diligently look into this matter and call evil for what it is and sin for what it is. You have been a huge blessing in my life and I know without a doubt you are a man of integrity, wisdom, and living above reproach.

In His Name,
DeMarcus Sullivan

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Spirit vs. Flesh

A few nights ago I posted a blog of what I claimed to be one of transparency. I publicly revealed sin in my life and proceeded to "call out" and attack the characters of other people in the process. It was wrong and malicious. The right step was to remove that post. Private sin should have been dealt with privately. The only parties it should involve is God, the offender, and the offended. Instead of being led by the Holy Spirit and exercising the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), I instead failed miserably and followed my flesh (Galatians 5:19-21). I was wrong in every way possible. My actions were hurtful, malicious, and out of spite. I want to personally and publicly apologize to Casey Caouette for offending her and attacking her character. She has always shown me unconditional love despite my shortfalls. There has been no other person I ever met who has shown love to every single person they meet and not passing one single judgment. I know her heart beats for God and that can never be disputed.  I would like to also apologize to @RonaldAllenJr for our public conflict that was displayed on Twitter and for our verbal conflict over the phone. 

I know I have caused a lot of damage. I acknowledge it and own up to it. I ask for forgiveness from those who I have offended. This is a huge lesson for me right now when it comes to consciously dying to the flesh on a daily basis and allowing the Spirit to lead my walk. There is much work and spiritual growth needed in my own heart and life right now. I pray as I continue on that journey that wounds would be healed and relationships restored. Those who I have wronged I hope will accept my apologies and grant me forgiveness. My prayer for myself daily is for the filling of the Holy Spirit and and walking according to Him and not my flesh.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Azusa Pacific University

Transgender Theology Professor Asked to Leave Christian College


A very sensitive issue and topic in the evangelical circles. Thoughts?